Fear

"But if we HOPE for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

"But perfect LOVE drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

I often find it hard NOT to fear. I fear being alone. I fear rejection. I fear having to change. I fear staying the same. I fear getting hit in my car. I fear being found false. I fear that my life will have no meaning. I fear that I will not be good enough. I fear that I will be forgotten.

Fear, when it gets a grip, holds me captive. It makes it impossible to live life, the kind of life God intended for me. I find that Satan often uses fear to come after me, to make me not trust God. But the truth is-I have NO reason to fear. God is in complete control. Now while that is something my spirit knows so well-my flesh struggles with it a lot. My flesh wants to TAKE control. That is when the fear takes hold- because the reality is- I KNOW i do not have control and that if I did things would not end well. There is this battle between what IS true(that God is over everything and in everything) and what I sometimes believe to be true(that I have control of certain things)

MAC-edonia! 2010

5 weeks from today we will be in Macedonia for our annual YoungLife service project! We had our chili fundraiser today and in honor of that I made a short video of last years SP(sorry that it is really ghetto but I didn't have a whole lot of time). Just watching this makes me excited for this years trip! I am not only excited about the manual labor we get to do(which in order of my dream jobs comes only behind 1)working for younglife and 2)working at the Chick-fil-a headquarters) but also for the fact that some of the students we are taking will be hearing and talking about Christ for the first time and even those that have heard before get another chance to talk about him! I always come back from the trip amazed at how God has been working in their lives LONG before I ever met them. Just thought I'd give you a taste of fun times to come!

Ski break 2010

So one year ago I was in a car accident on the way to germany where we were supposed to go Boarding with some students and my arm ended up looking like this after a surgery that involved a plate and 6 screws.

SO this year we decided to give it another try-why not?! BUT instead of driving we flew:) Our flight ended up getting cancelled and then delayed so we sat in the airport for 7 hours-fun times! At least I had packed some games in my carry-on so we played lots of uno, nerts, banana-grams and solitaire. But we got there safely in the end!

So there's something you should know about me- I have only been skiing once-and that ended with me doing a full flip in the air-NOT on purpose! so this was going to be an adventure to be sure. Nathan-our snowboarder in residence(in the white jacket) promised me he would be patient with me. So we went up the first gondola where you put your board on the outside. then Nathan shows me how to strap the board on one foot and we get on the second gondola-the kind where it is open and you have to board off-problem was-they all got on the one in front of me and i was by myself. The thoughts running through my head included- "I am going to die, how do i get off this thing?, what if I can't get off and they have to stop the whole thing?, i wish these other people on here with me spoke english!" So sure enough we get to the top and I fall off and have to duck in order that the chair does not knock me out(thank goodness for helmets) and I crawl over to where the others are cracking up! Nathan then shows me how to strap my other leg into this death machine called a snowboard and I look down the hill. (this is a picture from the bottom)

Now the thoughts running through my head come out my mouth as I ask Nathan if this was really the easiest hill he could have taken me to learn on? of course he answers, "no" and I'm like- then why am I staring down an ice covered cliff? could he not have taken me to the bunny slopes to start with. I guess that what you get when you let a 17 year old guy teach you snowboarding! needless to say it was an interesting journey down and was followed by me going and getting a proper lesson(with me and all the 8 year olds!)

So I boarded for 1 1/2 days and decided that my butt and knees could take it no longer! Really I do not think anyone over the age of 25 should take up snowboarding. But the hot tub was a nice reward after all my hard work:)

I also got my fill of games and was able to shock and awe everyone with my ability to play Buzzword-being old does have it's advantages sometimes:)!

All in all a much more enjoyable trip than last years! and to top it all off- while I was in Germany I got an email from one of my favorite people-Fiona- telling me Kelly Clarkson was coming to Brussles on Sunday night. Now I have NO musical talent and am truly not obsessed with music but I AM obsessed with American Idol and so fell in love with Kelly about 7 years ago(or however long Idol has been on) As a matter of fact I have only been to 3 "real" concerts and they have all involved Kelly:) so of course I jumped on that-thinking- what girl doesn't want to rock out to some female angst?!!

Me, Fi, and Megan at the concert-

funny thing happened when we were there-we got there for the last song of the warm up act and when the lights came up we looked around and saw a seating section in the back(most of the hall was standing room) and Fiona says-look at the losers sitting. And of course I was in TOTAL agreement(I mean you need to be able to rock out to Kelly Clarkson) and I look in the front row and I see Lizzy-one of my awesome YoungLife girls! so of course I SCREAM her name before I have a chance to think I might be embarassing my British friends- oh well-it was fun to see her:) Anyway-Here's Kelly "Doin' her Thang" and you can't see it but we were jumping around with the best of them!!

Obedience

Lately I have been facing the challenge of wondering what the heck I am doing and why I am doing it? I mean there are days when I get an absolute rush out of doing what I get to do but there are many days when I ask the question-what in the world am I doing? I mean why me? why here? why alone? It’s so easy to look at other people in other places who have teams, spouses, roomates . . . and question what is God doing in, with and through me. Why am I going at this seemingly alone when that is the LAST way I want to go after anything.

What I have been learning is that God is calling me to obedience. He is calling me to be faithful in what He has set before me to do. Though there are days and even weeks when all i want to do is run “home” to the States, or to some other place where life seems easier-I know that God has called me to Brussels to live here and love people here. Every day that is a challenge for me. Every day that involves choosing to do things that go against everything in my flesh.

I was at the gym yesterday (on the stair stepper-oh yeah!) and I was listening to a message. The guy asked the question- if you could choose would you choose to A) have an easy year- one where everything seemed to go your way. You and everyone you loved stayed healthy, you met the man of your dreams and got married, you loved your job, etc. But at the end of that year you were the same person. You hadn’t grown at all in your relationship with Christ. or B) have a year with a lot of challenges, where things didn’t go your way, where you struggled with being alone, with having days where you hate your job but at the end of that year you were closer to God and knew Him in ways you had never thought about-- WHICH would you choose?

In that moment-i chose A. I mean -Haven’t I had enough challenges? Don’t I deserve to be able to come up for a breath without feeling like I just went for a long dive? Isn’t it best for me to be part of a team? I could really use all of that right now. BUT then the reality of that choice set in with me-IS THAT really best for me? or does God have different plans for me. Does He want to use those challenges to CHANGE me and make me more like HIM. Sometimes i am sick of changing. Tired of change-it’s exhausting. I just want some constant in my life. I deserve some constant in my life.

And then I am reminded-God is my constant. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is just as powerful, just as loving, just as present as He has ever been. And he is calling me to be obedient to HIM. Obedient even when that’s the last thing I want to do. When I can’t even fathom what is going on.

And God promises so much in return

John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

LIFE-that’s what he promises! LIFE! Life beyond what I can imagine or fathom. REAL life-not the “perfect” life I imagine but the life that God gives. The life that comes from knowing him and serving him. Life that is ETERNAL.

WOW-I still have so much to learn but I am grateful that God continues to speak to me and still loves me when i am not so obedient and continues to pursue me with an undying and unconditional LOVE when I turn my back on Him.

Fall fun

Thanksgiving is always a little different overseas. For one thing-no one has off on the Thursday or Friday so it is hard to do a meal on the Thursday. SO this year we went with Friday night-that way we did not have to rush or gorging on food! One nice thing about Brussels is that I was able to get everything I needed for a traditional Thanksgiving feast. One problem is that apartment fills us at about 6 and we were planning on 12 AND i do not have a real oven-just a toaster oven so that would make it impossible to cook a turkey! So we had the feast at my friend's Fiona and Rasmus. They have an amazing flat with lots of space and a huge table.

I went over about 12:30 and began the preparations. Fiona had already begun the decorations and they were gorgeous. We spent the afternoon, baking, cooking, chatting, looking at wedding photos! It was a fun afternoon. Then around 6:45 the guests started arriving. It was an interesting mix-of the 12 only 3 were america, and only 1 other had ever had thanksgiving. So it was fun to introduce them to the feast!! By the end everyone could barely move and had begun to sink into their turkey induced comas! here we are at the gorgeous table.

One of my favorite things about europe and Brussels are the Chrsitmas markets. Every year on the first week of advent the markets open up all over. Brussels has a really fun market with an ice skating rink and ferris wheel. So for part of church on Sunday our group decided to go ice skating. Here I am on the crowded rink. They do not have zambonies(not sure how to spell that) so the ice gets REALLY bad which makes it a fun challenge to stay on your feet:)

Here is a picture of the rink with the wheel in the back- and the market stalls are all around the rink. Again- anybody wanna come for a visit?:)

family comes to visita

Yes!! Mom, Dad, Wanda and Tori came for a 10 day visit this month!! Here they are as I found them when I got to the airport. Do you think they brought enough bags? most of them were for me!!:) I made the limo sign but they were already out when I got there.

We did a lot of traveling while they were here-on Sunday we went to Amsterdam to see Anne Frank's house, the canals and I think their favorite thing was the grocery store where they bought lots of stroop wafels and black licorice!

On Tuesday we went to a little town in Germany called Monschau. The joke the whole time we were there was that we were in Disney World. Euro's even began to be called Disney Dollars:) here we are in a cute little tea place where dad had the best Apple Streudel and we sang a few lines from Sound of Music:)

Friday we went to Paris overnight. The first thing we did upon arriving was to find the most amazing Fallafel place ever!! it was SO good we tried to go back the next day(saturday) but since it was in the Jewish Quarter it was closed. Glad we got it when we did-yummy!

Saturday we walked from the Louvre to the Arch de Triomphe-which has become a kind of tradition for when we go to Paris(isn't it nice to have traditions in Paris!!) Here are Mom and I on top of the Arch with the Eiffel tower in the back.

We also found this amazing cafe- thanks to the rick steeves book that Emi had given us- thanks Emi! We sat there for a while and enjoyed everything from our Croque monsieur's to our amazing ice cream desserts!

We finished off the trip with a day into brussels to get those last minute treats-waffles, frites, chocolates-yummy! here I am outside my apartment.

And now they have all left and my apartment is too quite so it is waiting for the next visitors-any takers??!!

Hen party in de Haan

So I have lived in Belgium for almost 2 years now but have never been to the coast.  I had heard wonderful things about "boardwalks, bikes, shops, sand" but had never experienced it for myself.  Well since my dear friend Fiona is getting married in 4 weeks time some of us decided to throw her a "hen party"- what is a hen party?  good question- it is the British version of a bachelorette party.  Usually you see them walking around town, wearing pink shirts with the soon to be brides picture on it, making her do crazy things.  Our hen party was a little more subdued.  Fiona had a meeting on Saturday morning so we didn't leave until about 1:30-when we headed to the coast.   That Fiona and I in the front and sarah and Christie in the back!

 We got there around 3, found a place to park and then hunted down the sand-it didn't take long to find- it was like 1 1/2 blocks away:)  we had packed a picnic lunch and so we laid our blankets on the sand and proceeded to dig in.  The only problem was that it was a bit windy but that did not stop us from enjoying the gorgeous sunshine! 

After we ate we went down to the water and stuck our feet in the water expecting it to be freezing cold- we were pleasantly surprised to find it actually warm!  

When our hair was sufficiently wind blown we headed off the beach in search of restrooms and a cafe for a hot drink.  We sat in a cafe and Fiona shared the stories of her past relationships(her frogs before the prince).  Then we walked a bit more down the boardwalk(not so much "board"walk as cement walk)  A kind random Flemish person took out picture.

Sarah- "walk in slow motion so I can get your pciture"

Us- "ok"

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Christie, me and Sarah

before we headed back to my place where we had a wonderful spread of baked goods, cheeses, hummus, chips and drinks!  We watched Father of the Bride(very appropriate), opened gifts, and tried to keep Christie awake:)  This was probably one of my favorite days in Belgium so far!