Obedience

Lately I have been facing the challenge of wondering what the heck I am doing and why I am doing it? I mean there are days when I get an absolute rush out of doing what I get to do but there are many days when I ask the question-what in the world am I doing? I mean why me? why here? why alone? It’s so easy to look at other people in other places who have teams, spouses, roomates . . . and question what is God doing in, with and through me. Why am I going at this seemingly alone when that is the LAST way I want to go after anything.

What I have been learning is that God is calling me to obedience. He is calling me to be faithful in what He has set before me to do. Though there are days and even weeks when all i want to do is run “home” to the States, or to some other place where life seems easier-I know that God has called me to Brussels to live here and love people here. Every day that is a challenge for me. Every day that involves choosing to do things that go against everything in my flesh.

I was at the gym yesterday (on the stair stepper-oh yeah!) and I was listening to a message. The guy asked the question- if you could choose would you choose to A) have an easy year- one where everything seemed to go your way. You and everyone you loved stayed healthy, you met the man of your dreams and got married, you loved your job, etc. But at the end of that year you were the same person. You hadn’t grown at all in your relationship with Christ. or B) have a year with a lot of challenges, where things didn’t go your way, where you struggled with being alone, with having days where you hate your job but at the end of that year you were closer to God and knew Him in ways you had never thought about-- WHICH would you choose?

In that moment-i chose A. I mean -Haven’t I had enough challenges? Don’t I deserve to be able to come up for a breath without feeling like I just went for a long dive? Isn’t it best for me to be part of a team? I could really use all of that right now. BUT then the reality of that choice set in with me-IS THAT really best for me? or does God have different plans for me. Does He want to use those challenges to CHANGE me and make me more like HIM. Sometimes i am sick of changing. Tired of change-it’s exhausting. I just want some constant in my life. I deserve some constant in my life.

And then I am reminded-God is my constant. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is just as powerful, just as loving, just as present as He has ever been. And he is calling me to be obedient to HIM. Obedient even when that’s the last thing I want to do. When I can’t even fathom what is going on.

And God promises so much in return

John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

LIFE-that’s what he promises! LIFE! Life beyond what I can imagine or fathom. REAL life-not the “perfect” life I imagine but the life that God gives. The life that comes from knowing him and serving him. Life that is ETERNAL.

WOW-I still have so much to learn but I am grateful that God continues to speak to me and still loves me when i am not so obedient and continues to pursue me with an undying and unconditional LOVE when I turn my back on Him.