Home

Above is a picture circa 1980 of my older sister Trisha, my Grandmom and me at Christmas(take note of all the green-the doors,couch and pj's!).

"Home is where the heart is" If that is true then I have many homes. As I get ready to head "home" to the states this week it brings up odd feelings because it is also "home" here in Brussels and to be honest I am "home" in Atlanta as well. It is an odd sensation to say you are going home to a place you have not actually lived in over 10 years and yet it completely feels like home. There is something so great about my time in PA-Family! I have a lot of family all over the world-not biological but people that I would do anything for and who would do anything for me. And yet there is something to be said about people who have literally known you your whole life-all 34+years of it!:)

People that remember this cheesy grin,

Or this great late 70's look!(At least the 70's were almost over by the time I came around-and I didn't get to enjoy the full feathered hair of my sisters-I just got the crooked bangs!)

They know I am not perfect so I can just be me! They know the Marissa who used to walk out of the house with ketchup all over her and not even realize it, who did not shower regularly until probably the 8th grade, who would follow them around like a lost puppy-just wanting to be a part of whatever they were a part of, who played sports all day every day, who always wanted to go places, who acted like she didn't want to be like her big sisters but who really wanted to do everything they did, who yelled at their boyfriends for not treating them right, who was a typical youngest sister! The girl with the crooked bangs, crooked teeth and mismatched clothes.

And so this week as I look forward to going HOME I am looking forward to a lot of things but the biggest one is just BEING with my family and enjoying each other. I am looking forward to the traditions of Christmas-cooking baking while listening to Johnny Mathis, all the kids sleeping on the floor at Grammy and Poppy's on Christmas eve, having breakfast casseroles, opening amazing stockings, going into Philly and so much more!

HOME- it's nice to have a lot of places to call home but for me there's nothing like the original!

PS-the picture above is the show you that the wings have been replaced and we have grown up past the 70's!

Thanksgiving and snow

Last saturday I celebrated Thanksgiving with my friends here in Brussels. It was a lovely day of cooking in Fiona and rasmus' amazing kitchen(pretty much any kitchen with an oven qualifies as amazing for me these days! but theirs even has a dishwasher!!), listening to Christmas music on their high-tech internet radio gadget, eating way to much food, laughing til our sides hurt(as if the food hadn't made them hurt enough), and then consuming dessert!

Fiona always decorates things so great-last year was a purple, black and white theme but this year it was a much more traditional fall colored them-yeah for the orange!!!

I totally forgot to take any pictures of the main meal but here we are digging into some dessert! I can't tell you how;) but I even managed to get Zielger's apple cider(anyone from PA will know what that is!)

This is some of us trying not to go into a turkey coma whilst sitting on their amazingly large and comfy sofa! We also got some american football on the computers for a little while-I have to say the europeans were not as into that as us americans.

This week has been a week of snow- There was even a snow day on thursday-not for the Belgian schools but the international schools went for it:) My street is scary steep even on the best of days so on snowy days most people are wise enough not to attempt driving up it. That meant that there were not many cars parked on the street and the neighborhood kids have been using it as their sledding hill. It's pretty fun to watch:) and last night they were out there at 12:30 enjoying themselves-I think I may have scared them with my stalking out the window:)

Here was my terrace yesterday-so pretty with all the snow-but at some point last night it got a little warmer and must have rained away the snow. But no worries it is snowing again as I write this!

I kissed the waiter

So perhaps I have lived in europe too long or perhaps it was just one of those nights but about a week ago my friend hannah was in town. Hannah is a friend i met while working at YoungLife camp in Canada 3 years ago. She had brought kids up for the week and we struck up a friendship. The next summer I again worked at camp and at the end of that time I needed a place to crash for a few days so Hannah let me crash with her in Seattle. I had not seen hannah in over 1 1/2 years but she recently moved to Ireland so we had great plans for visiting each other. Hannah finally came for her first visit to Brussels. It was kind of an insane work week so she was getting dragged around to all my various YoungLife stuff(good thing she's used to that!) The first night she was in town she came with me to basketball tryouts and then we came home to meet my friend fiona for dinner.

We don't often go out to eat but since it was getting late and I didn't have much in the way of creating a meal we decided to walk down to the Italian restaurant on the corner. When Liesl lived here we used to go to Cicio Bella a few times a month but it had been a while since I had been there. The people who work there are all Italian and speak mostly italian with a little french and english thrown in.

when we got there it was pretty empty so they seated us near the bar. we ordered our food and began chatting and enjoying ourselves. Throughout that night we apparently became the entertainment for all the staff:) It began when our waiter twice dropped stuff while he was serving us-first butter and then utensils. Our conversation was also creating a lot of laughter on our part so i think we began to attract attention.

Long story short- as the night went on a particular young and cute italian waiter began a slight flirtation with me. This led to us getting free dessert and drinks. we were having a lovely evening. After being there for several hours we decided it was time to head home. We got up to go and the cute young italian guy and I ended up in an uncomfortable closeness. I wasn't sure what was going on so I kissed him on the cheek and headed out.

I got out the door and looked at hannah and burst out, "i kissed the waiter!" we had a great laugh on the way home- I mean how many times do you get to kiss your young cute italian waiter?:)

Needless to say Hannah wanted to return to the restaurant every night after that!

Birthday reflection

I don't have a great memory when it comes to things that have happened in my life but my birthday is one day that I can usually remember what I was doing in the past. Last year my mom, dad, wanda and tori were here-my car broke down, we ate at Le Klepto for dinner and I opened my presents at about 11PM! 4 years ago on this day I had just moved to Belgium from Norway-I had been here maybe 3 days and knew about that same amount of people. 5 years ago I was in Norway. 10 years ago I was living in Atlanta-I had just moved there 2 months before. 15 years ago I was a sophomore in college living in a dorm and 20 years ago I was a freshmen in high school. Wow how time flies and how my life has gone in a direction I literally never dreamed of.

As most of you know every Wednesday morning I meet with a group of high school girls who come over to my place for breakfast and a Bible study. This semester we have been going through the book of Esther. Don't know if you know this or not but the name of God is not ever mentioned in the book. So as we began looking at the book we talked about that fact-that even though His name is not mentioned- His hand is all over the story. He was writing Esther's story from the very beginning. Every week we've talked about that fact that God is also writing our story even if we never audibly hear Him speak.

Yesterday morning we were looking at the 6th chapter and here is what hit me-within the first 4 verses you see God's timing perfectly. If you don't remember the story-look it up-it's amazing!! The king "just happens" to be up, he "just happens" to have read to him the story of Mordecai saving his life and Haman "just happens" to be in the hall when he asks. All of these "just happens" are really God's perfect timing and his plan.

My life-I don't foresee a time when my story is literally written down into a book like Esther's but at the same time my story is being written. I can see God's hand in the timing and direction of things. And though my memory often fails to recollect many of the events in my life I love that at least once I year I can look back and be amazed at how God has moved in my life. It is always an amazing reminder to me of His complete faithfulness. Seriously-as much as I loved the traveling even as a kid I NEVER imagined I would be living in another country, doing the most amazing job anyone could ever imagine, getting to know people from around the globe. I never would have imagined how much God has shown me and grown me and blown my mind away with His awesomeness(wow-sorry about all the rhyming!). This morning as I skipped french-oops! and lay in bed I was just reminded how much God has done in my life and the fact that YES at the time it sometimes hurts but looking back it is always amazing. So here's to another awesome year!

Some highlights of the past year: Cooked thanksgiving dinner by myself for 12 people, went snowboarding in the Alps-1st time, first concert in Belgium-Kelly Clarkson, bought a car all in French, Tenerife Spain, ran in a race with my sister-Trisha, learned how to wakeboard, Macedonia-2nd time, Spain-lots of it including Madrid and Barcelona, the shore with my family, working at Crooked Creek Ranch in Colorado, meeting Kate-my sweet friend Amybeth's-new baby girl from China. There are so many more!!!

Birthday celebrations begin

So Thursday is my birthday-woop woop!!:) My mom and my oldest sister Wanda both sent messages recently that I should be on the lookout for packages from them and that I should let them know when they get here-there's always some concern when crossing an ocean. Well my landlords-who are amazing! usually answer for any packages I get and then they put them on a shelf in the hallway. So for the last few days I have rounded the corner of the stairs anticipating seeing a package. I have gotten a few cards but so far none of the coveted packages. Today there was one there! Now-normally I would rip open the package and open everything in them but this year I have decided(we'll see how long it actually lasts) that I would leave any wrapped presents wrapped until my actual birthday.

This package was from Wanda-now whenever I describe Wanda's gift giving skills I usually talk in terms like, "She is the BEST gift giver ever," or "Wanda picked out the gift because she is the most creative!" so I knew there was going to be something GREAT in the package. I brought it into my apartment and dumped out the contents. Remember-I had decided that if it was wrapped I wouldn't open it but I also know my family and they tend to cram stuff that is not wrapped into packages:)!!! there were some reece's pieces-yum and candy corn-yeah! even a little plastic cockroach-thanks wanda:) but there was one thing especially eye-catching. Inside of a plastic bag there was a chick-fil-a paper bag. You know the kind your amazing chick- fil-a waffle fries and classic sandwich with extra pickles comes in!? I smiled- knowing my family is well aware of my love for chick-fil-a and knowing that they share it. BUT and here's the interesting part- there was something INSIDE the bag. I had a moment of concern-had Wanda really tried to send a chick-fil-a sandwich in the mail???!!- I would love her for it even if I wouldn't eat it so I opened up the bag with some trepidation and when i looked inside I burst out laughing!! There were probably 10 packets of Heinz Ketchup:) Now if you know me as an adult you may not be aware of this BUT my FIRST LOVE was Heinz Ketchup. As a kid I put it on EVERYTHING-and by everything I mean things like but not limited to: steak, lima beans, green beans, potatoes, mashed potatoes, chicken, bread-and pretty much everything else that made it on my plate. And the best part was-after pretty much every meal I had ketchup on my clothes somewhere! My love of ketchup continues to this day but has been partially replaced by my love of salsa AND I am also much better at keeping it off of my clothes! But Wanda remembers the good ole days and for that I say, "Hats off to you wanda, you truly are the BEST gift giver EVER!!"

Here is the bag and one of the packets of ketchup-the rest are getting put away for a rainy day:)

French Class

So I spend an insane amount of hours each week in French class and you would think that after a year of this I would be able to speak at least a little French-it is not true!

Last year I had an AMAZING teacher-Dominique-

she was lovely in every sense of the word- she was patient, hysterically funny- at least i think so- the fact that I didn't understand a good 70% of what she was saying may have made her funnier.

This year I have a teacher who does not know how to teach. I hate going to class every day and I am holding out because supposedly our regular teacher is on maternity leave and will be back in November-so just 3 more weeks of Brigitte!!

SO my strategy so far is to keep my mouth shut-because not only does Brigitte not know how to teach-she is also not very patient. But sometimes I do get called on and in those cases I hope for the best. Today was a day I could not avoid being called on. SO we were supposed to tell about someone famous. Problem is-we're all from different countries so one person's idea of famous might not be another's. So the first couple of people were speaking of some old French man-still don't know who that was. I decided that when it got close to my turn I needed a bathroom break-in the sincere hope that by the time I got back it would already be past me:) Well I got back just in time- lucky me-and found out they had changed people and now I was to tell about Shakira. Well obviously i know who that is but LITERALLY the ONLY thing I know about her is that she is a singer. And so I told my not so patient teacher that and she told me I could pick anyone. BRAIN FREEZE! I couldn't think of anyone. SO I picked Obama-problem being I know NOTHING about his childhood either. So I decided to make it up:) And said that he had gone to private school-at which point I was corrected by no less that 50% of my class! so then I decided to say he had been the senator for illinois. My teacher said -what?!" I said "illinois" she said "what?" I said the "l'etat illinois" and she said "oh illinois" with a french accent!! Seriously!! since it's an american city you'd think I could at least get that right- but NO!

Viva le francais!!

Autumn is here!

SO fall has officially fallen on Brussels-there for a while it was a little too early(august) for my taste but now that it's actually October I welcome the gorgeous fall colors, crisp air and opportunity to break out all my amazing fall sweaters that I love so dearly(orange being my favorite color makes fall extra special!) I can also neither confirm or deny the fact that Christmas lights are hanging in my living room and Amy Grant's Christmas Album may have gotten played for just a moment-ooops!

So the fall has been exciting and fun and I have been RUBBISH at taking photos to document it! Friday night was homecoming at ISB so there was football to be played and after a gorgeous fall day it started to pour at the exact moment that the football game began. But of course-as a faithful fan I stayed for almost a full half:) I also had plans to go to a ladies night at my friend Fiona's- we chatted and then watched a Jane Austin film-it doesn't get much more girlie than Jane Austin! Here are some pictures from the football game.

After a FULL day of pouring rain-which had started at the beginning of the football game Friday night and continued the whole way through Saturday-Today the sunshine is out so after a bike ride through the forest this morning I decided to go do a little photo shoot around my part of town. I won't bore you with all the pics but here are a few that show the signs of the season!

summer 2010

8 weeks, 10 flights and 5 states later I arrived back in Brussels this morning. So what did I do in all that time? My trip started with 36 hours in PA-just enough time to see my family and say hi. Then it was off to Atlanta for both fundraising and visiting some amazing friends-picking blueberries, sewing dresses for girls in Africa, seeing new babies, going out for mexican, eating LOTS of chick-fil-A, chatting for hours. Sadly I was so in the moment that I did not take any pictures. Then it was back to PA for a week with family. Trisha called while I was in ATL and asked me to run in a race with her once I got back to PA. She had never run in a race before and wanted an experienced professional such as myself to run with her:) I will say this about the race- we both started and finished in the same place and Trisha won 2nd place for her age category-me I was just happy to finish in the 100 degree heat.

In case you didn't know-Cow appreciation day came around on July 9th and so the whole family went all out in order to get a free dinner at Chick-fil-a

The next week was spent at the shore enjoying sunshine, playing lots of board and card games, walking on the boardwalk, taking bike rides, eating out and just enjoying being together!

Then it was off to colorado to work at camp for the month with this awesome group of people.

Then onto Tulsa to hang out with some people from Brussels.

so another crazily awesome summer has finished and now another school year is about to begin.

Top 5

Ok so i thought I'd make a list of top 5 of various things

my TOP 5 Games(for game night)-in no particular order

1-Catch phrase-always a classic and instant noise maker:)

2-Buzzword-my parents got it at Christmas and I fell in love!

3-Ticket to ride-if you don't own it- Buy it!

4-Bananagrams-for the nerd in all of us-there are even several other "fruit" versions including an apple and a pear-my sisters have those but the banana is the best!

5-family- all you need are paper pens and not everyone even needs to speak the same language! bonus! Learned it at camp a few years back and everywhere we've played it everyone loves it!

my TOP 5 summer ice creams

1-MINT CHOCO CHIP- can i put that for all 5?

2-Raspberry blast-from the carousel ice cream shop in Ocean City, NJ-I get it EVERY time! it's black raspberry ice cream with little choco hearts filled with raspberry sauce-yum!

3-Mango Sorbet-does that count? I hope so cuz it's a fav!

4-Black raspberry ice cream with jimmies from Friendly's

5-Peach ice cream- with little flavor burst of actual peach!

My TOP 5 artists (at the moment anyways)

1-The Civil Wars- check them out- amazing voices and awesome people!

2-Brooke Fraser-can't get enough of her Albertine album

3-Kelly Clarkson- always good when working out!

4-Patty Griffin-need I say more?

5-The Weepies-Say I Am You album

my TOP 5 stores to shop in (in America)

1-Old Navy-If you've ever met me you know 85%of my clothes come from here-but it's def hit or miss

2-Kohl's-cuz they have the most amazing sales ever! and I got my $7 converses there!

3-target-cuz who doesn't love one stop shopping in a clean and organized environment?

4-Gap-pretty much the only other store my stuff comes from

5-New York & company-for all my "dress up" needs- which are few and far between:)

Villers Abbey with Emi

Well . . . a little while back when there was more than one person(me) on staff here in Belgium we used to go to this abbey once a month for some solitude time. We would go out there with our Bibles, journals and Ipods and spend a few solid hours just being alone with God. I used to sit under this MASSIVE tree that stood right in front of the entrance to the former church. It was a great place because even if it rained I didn't get wet(the tree was that massive). I LOVED it. I mean it's great to spend some time every day but every once in a while it is so REFRESHING to spend a chunk of time alone with Christ. Enough time that all the thoughts, worries, things running through my head have time to run and there is still time to actually spend quality time talking to God.

I hadn't been out there since all the staff left. Somehow those types of things get pushed aside when you are the only one here. So today was a gorgeous day and I was trying to think of something I could do outside and the Abbey came to mind. So I called my friend Emi up and asked her if she was free(she graduated last Friday and is pretty free til she starts college in Sept). She said sure so I picked her up and off we went.

Now remember-I had not been there for over a year and even then I wasn't usually the one driving so sure enough I got us a little lost- but as they say-getting there is half the fun! This is what we found on our back way adventure! I so wish I had an artistic bone in my body because I would LOVE to paint the colors in these pics!

Does it not totally look like I photo shopped this? There is no editing to this pic-the day was that perfect!

There were NO cars around so we just pulled over on the cobblestone road!

We ended up getting to the Abbey a little while later and explored the grounds. While we were exploring we ended up going up a bunch of stairs and then walking around for a bit. Instead of going back down the stairs I decided we needed a little more adventure. So in our flip-flops:) we went down this kind of steep hill and climbed over some fallen trees and found our way to the bottom. I don't think Emi knew what an outdoors girl she was until today:)

Here's a picture of the abbey from the hill.

and a pic of the inside of the abbey-you can see how huge it is-that's Emi is at the bottom right.

After we walked around we sat on a bench in the shade and chatted for a bit. It really was a great day!

The Velveteen Rabbit

You know the story of the Velveteen rabbit becoming "Real."

Today in french class I was talking to a friend about jobs and she said something very revealing. We were discussing different jobs and she said, "well you don't have a REAL job." I looked at her quizzically and thought to myself-I bet that's what a lot of people think about me-even if they would never say it to may face. I mean what's REAL about a 33 year old woman hanging out with teenagers? Even I find it difficult to explain my job to others.

The other day I was sitting at dinner with 3 girls who were about to graduate the next day and a mom. We were discussing college decisions and so on. The girls were sharing why they felt that their college decision was going to affect the rest of their lives and where they might end up because of the name of their school. The mom- interjecting about the importance of getting a good job-shared a story of a family member who ONLY makes $18/hr and considers that a "real job"- I didn't say anything out loud but in my head I was thinking-wow! if I made that much money I would think I was rolling in it:) but obviously what I do does not make much money- so is it not "real" or "good"? The internal processor that I am- this idea of a "real" job rolled around in my head for a while. Is my job not good enough? Not real enough? Not meaningful enough? since I don't make much money. As the conversation continued the mom revealed that though she has a job that makes a lot of money she only gets to see her son maybe 1 or 2 hours a day. It was obvious that she regretted not being able to spend much time with her son. At one point in the conversation the mom looked at me and said "even though you don't make much money you are one of the happiest people I've met."

Where does that happiness come from? How, I a world driven by consumption, can I be happy making so little? It's because I have the most REAL job anyone can imagine. I spend my days with PEOPLE.

We live in a world of disconnectedness. I mean we have all the means to be connected but most of us waste so much time(me included) on our computers or texting on our phones that we are not even present when we are physically with someone. But here's the cool thing for me- In a world of broken relationships my job is to lead people to the One who can restore those relationships. I a world where everyone is disconnected, my job is to connect with people and make sure they feel loved and cared for. I get to spend time with a lost generation. A generation that I often think does not know what REAL relationships are. I get to live life with them, show them what a relationship can look like and introduce them to the most important relationship they'll ever have- their relationship with Christ.

I mean is there anything more REAL than that? That's what REAL, it is eternally real. High tech gadgets are nice, vacations to exotic places are fun, a new car feels good but are they REAL? Do they live and breathe and bring meaning to your life? Maybe having lived in so many different states and countries has made me value things differently. I mean when you move as much as I have in the last 10 years you have to decide what's really important. Sure I take stuff with me when I move-but the reality is that if I had a choice the thing I would bring with me every time is people-I always say- If I could get all the people from my different "worlds" to live in the same place-that would be AWESOME- a little slice of heaven!

So I think I have decided that my job is REAL. It's REAL because Christ is real and eternal and the relationships that I have with people are real because of that.

Here is an excerpt from the book VELVETEEN RABBIT by Margerie Williams that I think describes why I feel REAL today.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

prom and graduation

The end of the year also comes with prom

and graduation

End of year

The end of the school year . . . (Why does it not concern me at all that I STILL think of my year in terms of the school calendar?) . . . comes with a lot of celebration and goodbyes.

We had our last YoungLife leadership of the year. The weather was great so we spent the first part of the night out on my terrace.

There were kids everywhere-we had 20 people there! Then we moved inside and talked from Mark 4 about the different types of seeds-not just in context of believing but also in context of letting Christ speak into different aspects of our lives and how we receive that. It was a great conversation!

One of the best traditions we have is that at the last leadership we pray for our seniors as they leave us and move on to college. Next year our seniors will be in; London, Virginia, North Carolina, California, Belgium, South Carolina and Tennessee. I was struck in that moment how much I LOVE these guys and how much I am going to miss them. God has given me such grace with these seniors. I have known a lot of students over the years but for some reason I feel especially close to this group. Some of them are students I have know for 3 years. Some of them I have know for 1 1/2 years. Some of them have a very strong faith in Christ, some are still exploring what that relationship might look like for them. Some of them had a relationship with Christ before I met them and some of them I have had the privilege of walking alongside of as they began their relationship with Him. I am SO BLESSED to have know each of them. I have never been a parent but I think I got a taste of what it feels like to send a child you love off to their next adventure. As I stood there praying for them, for their relationships at school next year, for critical decisions they would be making in the next few months and years- I was so thankful that I know that though I will not be there with them- Christ will be. They were in His hands long before I met them and He has them in His hands as they head around the globe next year.

I'm baaaack!

Ok so i tend to blog-stalk my friends on a pretty regular basis. I have a certain patience level for the amount of time in which I expect them to update their blog. That patience level runs out at about a month. That being said- it has been almost 2 months since i have updated my blog. So those who are stalking me-and I'm sure there are many:)- I apologize but i am still alive-no worries

What to say?

There's been a LOT of traveling-I know it sounds exciting and I am still blown away by the places i get to go but REALLY after I had not slept in my own place for 5 1/2 weeks I was ready to be home! And if you know me you know how much I love MY bed and MY pillow(which I take with me most everywhere I go-the pillow not the bed).

So where have I been? Macedonia(for our annual YoungLife Service project), then Tenerife(to recoup from said project) then Madrid-which was just supposed to be a stop over on my way back to Brussels but which turned into quite the adventure when a certain Icelandic volcano decided to erupt!

There's been fun times with friends in Brussels and Spain:

Sarah, Fiona and I at the flea market at Jue de Belle! Who doesn't love a trip down the glass elevator, a walk through the antique shops, haggling for "priceless" objects in french and then a delicious lunch at a flemish restaurant?

And here are Kate and I in Tenerife-who doesn't love sun and the beach with a friend who understands when you fall asleep at 4pm(it was the first night after service project and I had been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night)?

And here we are just outside of Madrid-Who doesn't love a hiking adventure with a birthday girl who doesn't speak any English and some crazy people from Tennessee?

Here's a video I made of the Service Project to Macedonia. It was an amazing week-and this will give you a glimpse of what we did.

Fear

"But if we HOPE for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

"But perfect LOVE drives out fear." 1 John 4:18

I often find it hard NOT to fear. I fear being alone. I fear rejection. I fear having to change. I fear staying the same. I fear getting hit in my car. I fear being found false. I fear that my life will have no meaning. I fear that I will not be good enough. I fear that I will be forgotten.

Fear, when it gets a grip, holds me captive. It makes it impossible to live life, the kind of life God intended for me. I find that Satan often uses fear to come after me, to make me not trust God. But the truth is-I have NO reason to fear. God is in complete control. Now while that is something my spirit knows so well-my flesh struggles with it a lot. My flesh wants to TAKE control. That is when the fear takes hold- because the reality is- I KNOW i do not have control and that if I did things would not end well. There is this battle between what IS true(that God is over everything and in everything) and what I sometimes believe to be true(that I have control of certain things)

MAC-edonia! 2010

5 weeks from today we will be in Macedonia for our annual YoungLife service project! We had our chili fundraiser today and in honor of that I made a short video of last years SP(sorry that it is really ghetto but I didn't have a whole lot of time). Just watching this makes me excited for this years trip! I am not only excited about the manual labor we get to do(which in order of my dream jobs comes only behind 1)working for younglife and 2)working at the Chick-fil-a headquarters) but also for the fact that some of the students we are taking will be hearing and talking about Christ for the first time and even those that have heard before get another chance to talk about him! I always come back from the trip amazed at how God has been working in their lives LONG before I ever met them. Just thought I'd give you a taste of fun times to come!

Ski break 2010

So one year ago I was in a car accident on the way to germany where we were supposed to go Boarding with some students and my arm ended up looking like this after a surgery that involved a plate and 6 screws.

SO this year we decided to give it another try-why not?! BUT instead of driving we flew:) Our flight ended up getting cancelled and then delayed so we sat in the airport for 7 hours-fun times! At least I had packed some games in my carry-on so we played lots of uno, nerts, banana-grams and solitaire. But we got there safely in the end!

So there's something you should know about me- I have only been skiing once-and that ended with me doing a full flip in the air-NOT on purpose! so this was going to be an adventure to be sure. Nathan-our snowboarder in residence(in the white jacket) promised me he would be patient with me. So we went up the first gondola where you put your board on the outside. then Nathan shows me how to strap the board on one foot and we get on the second gondola-the kind where it is open and you have to board off-problem was-they all got on the one in front of me and i was by myself. The thoughts running through my head included- "I am going to die, how do i get off this thing?, what if I can't get off and they have to stop the whole thing?, i wish these other people on here with me spoke english!" So sure enough we get to the top and I fall off and have to duck in order that the chair does not knock me out(thank goodness for helmets) and I crawl over to where the others are cracking up! Nathan then shows me how to strap my other leg into this death machine called a snowboard and I look down the hill. (this is a picture from the bottom)

Now the thoughts running through my head come out my mouth as I ask Nathan if this was really the easiest hill he could have taken me to learn on? of course he answers, "no" and I'm like- then why am I staring down an ice covered cliff? could he not have taken me to the bunny slopes to start with. I guess that what you get when you let a 17 year old guy teach you snowboarding! needless to say it was an interesting journey down and was followed by me going and getting a proper lesson(with me and all the 8 year olds!)

So I boarded for 1 1/2 days and decided that my butt and knees could take it no longer! Really I do not think anyone over the age of 25 should take up snowboarding. But the hot tub was a nice reward after all my hard work:)

I also got my fill of games and was able to shock and awe everyone with my ability to play Buzzword-being old does have it's advantages sometimes:)!

All in all a much more enjoyable trip than last years! and to top it all off- while I was in Germany I got an email from one of my favorite people-Fiona- telling me Kelly Clarkson was coming to Brussles on Sunday night. Now I have NO musical talent and am truly not obsessed with music but I AM obsessed with American Idol and so fell in love with Kelly about 7 years ago(or however long Idol has been on) As a matter of fact I have only been to 3 "real" concerts and they have all involved Kelly:) so of course I jumped on that-thinking- what girl doesn't want to rock out to some female angst?!!

Me, Fi, and Megan at the concert-

funny thing happened when we were there-we got there for the last song of the warm up act and when the lights came up we looked around and saw a seating section in the back(most of the hall was standing room) and Fiona says-look at the losers sitting. And of course I was in TOTAL agreement(I mean you need to be able to rock out to Kelly Clarkson) and I look in the front row and I see Lizzy-one of my awesome YoungLife girls! so of course I SCREAM her name before I have a chance to think I might be embarassing my British friends- oh well-it was fun to see her:) Anyway-Here's Kelly "Doin' her Thang" and you can't see it but we were jumping around with the best of them!!

Obedience

Lately I have been facing the challenge of wondering what the heck I am doing and why I am doing it? I mean there are days when I get an absolute rush out of doing what I get to do but there are many days when I ask the question-what in the world am I doing? I mean why me? why here? why alone? It’s so easy to look at other people in other places who have teams, spouses, roomates . . . and question what is God doing in, with and through me. Why am I going at this seemingly alone when that is the LAST way I want to go after anything.

What I have been learning is that God is calling me to obedience. He is calling me to be faithful in what He has set before me to do. Though there are days and even weeks when all i want to do is run “home” to the States, or to some other place where life seems easier-I know that God has called me to Brussels to live here and love people here. Every day that is a challenge for me. Every day that involves choosing to do things that go against everything in my flesh.

I was at the gym yesterday (on the stair stepper-oh yeah!) and I was listening to a message. The guy asked the question- if you could choose would you choose to A) have an easy year- one where everything seemed to go your way. You and everyone you loved stayed healthy, you met the man of your dreams and got married, you loved your job, etc. But at the end of that year you were the same person. You hadn’t grown at all in your relationship with Christ. or B) have a year with a lot of challenges, where things didn’t go your way, where you struggled with being alone, with having days where you hate your job but at the end of that year you were closer to God and knew Him in ways you had never thought about-- WHICH would you choose?

In that moment-i chose A. I mean -Haven’t I had enough challenges? Don’t I deserve to be able to come up for a breath without feeling like I just went for a long dive? Isn’t it best for me to be part of a team? I could really use all of that right now. BUT then the reality of that choice set in with me-IS THAT really best for me? or does God have different plans for me. Does He want to use those challenges to CHANGE me and make me more like HIM. Sometimes i am sick of changing. Tired of change-it’s exhausting. I just want some constant in my life. I deserve some constant in my life.

And then I am reminded-God is my constant. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is just as powerful, just as loving, just as present as He has ever been. And he is calling me to be obedient to HIM. Obedient even when that’s the last thing I want to do. When I can’t even fathom what is going on.

And God promises so much in return

John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

LIFE-that’s what he promises! LIFE! Life beyond what I can imagine or fathom. REAL life-not the “perfect” life I imagine but the life that God gives. The life that comes from knowing him and serving him. Life that is ETERNAL.

WOW-I still have so much to learn but I am grateful that God continues to speak to me and still loves me when i am not so obedient and continues to pursue me with an undying and unconditional LOVE when I turn my back on Him.