I sat down in a meeting recently and the first question out of the person's mouth was, "Are you married?"
Picture this-We were outside of a lodge at the camp where I work- beautiful setting- looking out at the lake. We were about to sit in some Adirondack chairs and I was in the middle of sitting down as he asked me this question. So now I am sitting but he is not yet sitting down. I have never spent any amount of time with this person so we obviously did not know each other(given the question he is asking). So I am sitting there and he is halfway into his chair and I say, "No." He remains halfway down in his chair and just continues to look at me so I tentatively say, " . . . and I've never been???" trying to figure out what he's trying to figure out. I know it sounds creepy but really it wasn't- I think he was just trying to get to know more about me. I think we do that a lot when we meet new people- we try to figure out which category to put them in our brains. He went on to ask if I have pets- my answer is, "No." Then- do I have roommates?- the answer again is, "No."
At this point I have begun to feel like a psychopath- never been married, no kids, no pets, no roommates and I work with kids! These are the moments when I feel like I am the odd woman out. I do not fit into most peoples categories for a 41 year old woman. I have no husband or kids. I am not a cat or dog lady. I don't have a long term roommate. I don't own anything of monetary value(home, fancy car, a KitchenAid)
I am me.
I didn't follow the timeline and I don't fit into people's preset categories. I know people categorize never married older people into some very interesting categories. My own amazing family has even made those types of comments in front of me- things like, "You know he's never been married-he's a little odd." They are not trying to be mean- their brains are just trying to make connections and perhaps they are basing them off experiences or just what their culture or upbringing has taught them.
I didn't get married out of college-or anytime after that. I didn't have kids or buy a house or "settle down." Instead I spent some time figuring out who I am as an individual and by my late 20's when I started to entertain the idea that I MIGHT be ready to "settle down" or get married I decided instead to switch careers and move to Norway sight unseen. I decided that I really liked me and I had some more growing to do before I was ready to buy that house or have that kid or commit to that guy. So I moved to Norway and then 2 years later I moved to Belgium.
Now the timeline was completely out of whack and what category did I fit in?-the aging spinster?, the fun aunt?, the rebel? the crazy lady? A few years passed and I was mid 30's and still no husband, roommates, kids or permanent residence. So at 38 I decided to really send that timeline/category searching on a run for it's money and moved back to America and into my old bedroom at my parents house!!!! That'll teach 'em! Maybe the jarring nature of it would set the timeline straight. . . . . .it didn't!
So then 11 months later I packed up my car and left Pennsylvania and started driving west with no real plan other than that if I got to California(where I could go no farther west) and still didn't have a job I would drive north to Portland and find a place to live. Seemed like a reasonable plan-timeline moving along and all.
So off I went and for 3 months I drove west(making tons of stops along the way to see all those people I hadn't seen in 9 years of living outside of the country or who I had met while living outside the country but who now lived in America). If you really want to blow peoples ability to figure out where you are on the "timeline" or to place you in their internal categories- tell them you are a 38 year old single woman with no job and a brand new car driving across the country with no set plans until such a point as you can no longer go west in said car!
So of course at the end of that road trip I ended up in Arizona where I have spent the last 2 1/2 years. I'm going to go ahead and say my timeline is a bust and I don't fit into many preset categories. The things I thought I would be and be doing at 41 are nothing like what my life actually looks like. I thought I would have all those things I mentioned earlier-the husband, kids, house- maybe not the pets.
Instead my life has included deep friendships with people from all over the world. It has included visiting over 30 countries. It has included growth I don't think I ever would have experienced if I had followed the timeline I had as a kid. It has included getting to live, work and coach in 3 different countries. It has included having friends and family in pretty much any region of the world I would ever want to visit. It has included being on ESPN and in the USA Today because of the ridiculous outfits I'm willing to wear to support the USA teams in other countries. It has included being lonely and having to work through that and learn to enjoy being alone. My timeline has included so much more than I could have thought or imagined.
So when I get frustrated because my life doesn't look like what I thought it would or what others peoples look like. When I hear comments that allude to the fact that an older never married person is strange based solely on their marital status . When I start to question whether I am too old to be still asking the question-what do I want to do when I grow up? When I struggle with feeling like the odd woman out because most people don't know or understand huge chunks of my experiences. When I get frustrated because most of my dearest friends are at least 3 times zones away. When I begin to wonder if I AM that odd person my family has talked about. When people ask the initial questions of -are you married? because they are trying to figure out what box to put me in or where I am on my timeline- I kind of enjoy that I get to blow their box and their timelines up and I get to be me!
I'll be me and I hope you'll be you!
I am me.
I didn't follow the timeline and I don't fit into people's preset categories. I know people categorize never married older people into some very interesting categories. My own amazing family has even made those types of comments in front of me- things like, "You know he's never been married-he's a little odd." They are not trying to be mean- their brains are just trying to make connections and perhaps they are basing them off experiences or just what their culture or upbringing has taught them.
I didn't get married out of college-or anytime after that. I didn't have kids or buy a house or "settle down." Instead I spent some time figuring out who I am as an individual and by my late 20's when I started to entertain the idea that I MIGHT be ready to "settle down" or get married I decided instead to switch careers and move to Norway sight unseen. I decided that I really liked me and I had some more growing to do before I was ready to buy that house or have that kid or commit to that guy. So I moved to Norway and then 2 years later I moved to Belgium.
Now the timeline was completely out of whack and what category did I fit in?-the aging spinster?, the fun aunt?, the rebel? the crazy lady? A few years passed and I was mid 30's and still no husband, roommates, kids or permanent residence. So at 38 I decided to really send that timeline/category searching on a run for it's money and moved back to America and into my old bedroom at my parents house!!!! That'll teach 'em! Maybe the jarring nature of it would set the timeline straight. . . . . .it didn't!
So then 11 months later I packed up my car and left Pennsylvania and started driving west with no real plan other than that if I got to California(where I could go no farther west) and still didn't have a job I would drive north to Portland and find a place to live. Seemed like a reasonable plan-timeline moving along and all.
So off I went and for 3 months I drove west(making tons of stops along the way to see all those people I hadn't seen in 9 years of living outside of the country or who I had met while living outside the country but who now lived in America). If you really want to blow peoples ability to figure out where you are on the "timeline" or to place you in their internal categories- tell them you are a 38 year old single woman with no job and a brand new car driving across the country with no set plans until such a point as you can no longer go west in said car!
So of course at the end of that road trip I ended up in Arizona where I have spent the last 2 1/2 years. I'm going to go ahead and say my timeline is a bust and I don't fit into many preset categories. The things I thought I would be and be doing at 41 are nothing like what my life actually looks like. I thought I would have all those things I mentioned earlier-the husband, kids, house- maybe not the pets.
Instead my life has included deep friendships with people from all over the world. It has included visiting over 30 countries. It has included growth I don't think I ever would have experienced if I had followed the timeline I had as a kid. It has included getting to live, work and coach in 3 different countries. It has included having friends and family in pretty much any region of the world I would ever want to visit. It has included being on ESPN and in the USA Today because of the ridiculous outfits I'm willing to wear to support the USA teams in other countries. It has included being lonely and having to work through that and learn to enjoy being alone. My timeline has included so much more than I could have thought or imagined.
So when I get frustrated because my life doesn't look like what I thought it would or what others peoples look like. When I hear comments that allude to the fact that an older never married person is strange based solely on their marital status . When I start to question whether I am too old to be still asking the question-what do I want to do when I grow up? When I struggle with feeling like the odd woman out because most people don't know or understand huge chunks of my experiences. When I get frustrated because most of my dearest friends are at least 3 times zones away. When I begin to wonder if I AM that odd person my family has talked about. When people ask the initial questions of -are you married? because they are trying to figure out what box to put me in or where I am on my timeline- I kind of enjoy that I get to blow their box and their timelines up and I get to be me!
I'll be me and I hope you'll be you!
"I Wanna Be Like Me" by Sara Bareilles
Oh
What if I wanna be the one who
Never looks like anybody?
What if I wanna be the one who
Goes her own way?
Would you still believe in someone like me?
What if I wanna be the one who
Doesn't belong here?
What if I wanna be the one who
Won't fit in?
Would you find a new way to make room for me?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to make you cry
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Just because I was made to be exactly like me
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
Oh
What if I wanna be the one who
Doesn't need to hide?
What if I wanna be the one who
Won't apologize?
I'm not the enemy
Unless that's what you choose to see
What if I wanna be the one who
You never understand?
Do you ever think you'll ever want to still try to hold my hand?
To get through to you I'm still trying to
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to make you cry
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Just because I was made to be exactly like me
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
[Break]
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
What if I wanna be the one who
Never looks like anybody?
What if I wanna be the one who
Goes her own way?
Would you still believe in someone like me?
What if I wanna be the one who
Doesn't belong here?
What if I wanna be the one who
Won't fit in?
Would you find a new way to make room for me?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to make you cry
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Just because I was made to be exactly like me
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
Oh
What if I wanna be the one who
Doesn't need to hide?
What if I wanna be the one who
Won't apologize?
I'm not the enemy
Unless that's what you choose to see
What if I wanna be the one who
You never understand?
Do you ever think you'll ever want to still try to hold my hand?
To get through to you I'm still trying to
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to make you cry
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Just because I was made to be exactly like me
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
[Break]
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Not to tear you down
What if I don't wanna be like you?
Because I found I was made to be exactly like me
I wanna be like me
